It was around this time 5 years ago I started my first leaving cert exams and the following year I did my repeat, (the infamous year which I tend to tell people about usually 10 minutes into our first conversation). Won’t go too much into that other than repeating provided me with a much needed maturity that I was seriously lacking.
One final thing about the leaving is that I’m sure many would agree it was a nightmare for its preparation over anything. Maybe in the future if I dedicate myself to these blogs i will dive into my thought on where the Leaving Certificate and school programs can improve, (it is my hope do teaching for the foreseeable future so why the hell not).
Can’t say long this blog will be but many know I have a tendencies to go off on tangents which are similar to that of Grandpa Simpson’s. So I will suggest jumping to the end to get the brief overview of my ‘philosophical lessons’ and all that other crap that I have learned from college and over the past 4 or 5 years in general.
Well anyhoo when I finally got my points for the leaving cert I got accepted to the Institute known as Mater Dei…..the most bizarre, thought provoking and essentially the most productive 4 years of my life. Made some great friends, had a few memorable feuds, learned how to drink and fully embraced my family’s contrary side…..maybe not for the best but hey it was almost a necessary bad habit. Ultimately I managed to eliminate a lot of initial fears about myself mainly as a person.
So since MDI was a Catholic college, I’ll title these chapters with their appropriate associations.
Genesis.
Anytime I thought about finishing college in first year I had the typical college student response, ‘sure that is miles away.’ I think its also safe to say I didn’t see myself developing into the person I have become, but having said that, I definitely realized in the past week especially with the end of college, I still have much to learn.
People tend to say college are the best days of our lives. I suppose that was the first thing that hit me when we finished. I found myself reflecting on my college days, asking myself did I hold myself back at times, did I miss opportunities with people or with different opportunities with jobs or courses; but then I remembered all the good that happened. What I did achieve mentally, socially, academically and even physically (oh don’t worry Croagh Patrick I will get to you eventually ya ignorant p****).
When I started in college I was my shy self and nervous as most were. I was not familiar with the traditional Irish nights out, I think I had tasted drink perhaps once or twice, never being a fully personified bad-ass and utilizing my Garda ID to buy that pint of Bulmers or whatever the popular drink was those days. I humorlessly look back at some night out traditions shocked me and how unfamiliar a ‘night-out’ felt initially. Having said that I adapted fairly lively.
It’s Morphin Time!
Who was this enemy you ask? My teenage years, I transitioned from the old 19 into 20 and eventually saw my previous years from a different light. Second year saw a big sigh of relief in what was the most difficult family dilemma I have faced. However even though it was initially a great feeling, I found myself becoming more angry the simplest things and how irrelevant they seemed in comparison to major concerns. Arguably this was maybe selfish, but hey I’m only human. Well I eventually got over this, took me time but I was reminded by a friend of the great quote from Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mocking Bird, ‘You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view… Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.’
I look back and even question why I was angry as I was, perhaps blaming others for my setbacks, when the setbacks were simple courses relevant to life, the obstacles we face in our survival of the fittest. Now, I look back at how I much I still grew in second year and how in one year had become ultimately a far stronger person.
The Return of the Jedi.
Well third year provided me with some very interesting experiences. Without going into too much detail I had my almost long overdue epiphany of how far I had come since I finished secondary school. Here I was, teaching the classrooms I sat in years previously, teaching students who had similar friends and interests that I did at their age (I say their age as if I’m a 40 year old having a mid life crisis but that’s not the case…… I was a 20 year old having a mid life crisis). Well long story short I came to the realization that I needed to slow down and stop wondering what is coming next and just focus on the present. Its ironic I learned this lesson when the major lesson I learned after repeating the LC was to stop living in the past and to not hold regret. I blame studying history for my concerns over the past and religion for my concerns of the future. I think it would unfair to ignore the incredible things my friends did for me this year. Yes this may sound cheesy to some but when I was thrown a surprise twenty first birthday party, organised by some good friends. I can’t sugar coat it, nicest thing any friend has ever done for me, especially when I wasn’t even sure if I deserved it. I said to my mother afterward I don’t think they will ever fully comprehend exactly what that meant to me. Essentially,
Fair City!!
Fourth year felt a bit dis-functional to an extent, like a bad episode of Fair City :p
(Then came the final fury, fourth year.) Without a doubt, the most intense, fastest and overwhelming year of college yet. So much happened in what felt like a very short period of time. The first week of fourth year is as clear to me as my last and the gap almost seems like an episode of 24, a lot happened during a very short period of time. I think I’m still reflecting on what I learned in fourth year. i definitely embraced a more confident aspect of my personality but I sometimes forgot what got to where I was in the first place. It was almost polar opposite to previous years; almost. I think my only thoughts are the impending reality that we were finished in a few months was evident nearly everyday and essentially it played a big role in how I interacted with people, both positively and negatively.
Since I finished I frequently remind myself of the great Tolkien quote; ‘It’s a dangerous business, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no telling where you might be swept off to.’
Back to the Future
4 months on I am sitting in the middle of a Gabriel lecture for my first academic Saturday for my masters, recovering from a good night out with my brother watching the Legendary Pat Shortt. Such a change, going from no job, no money and nothing to do, with being 6 kilos lighter, an almost full time job along with a full time masters……. insanity or determination? I’ll find out in the coming weeks. I think I am still sitting in a storm.
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